Your Pitcher Failed. Now What?

We can prepare pitchers for the mental game in lessons all we want, but at some point, they have to be tested. I believe we need to intentionally put pitchers in challenging situations where they're likely to fail. Then us coaches and parents can help them process what happened, learn from it, and get back out there to try again. And how, exactly, do we do that? We have to give them opportunities to develop it.

What Gets Measured Gets Managed

When I was in college, I worked summers as a deckhand on Chicago Line Cruises. We had this boat captain who was a former military officer (she actually almost got cast on the original season of Survivor!). Every day, she had eight specific areas of the boat that we were responsible for cleaning, including the corners of the bathroom floor behind the toilet.

She would walk around and inspect every single spot. Rarely did I get everything right the first time, so she'd send me back to clean something again. Then she'd come back and check it.

Eventually, it became a game for me. I wanted to get all eight checkpoints perfect the first time around! It wasn't work I particularly enjoyed, but somehow she made it fun, and I wanted her to be proud of me.

Here's what I found interesting: She didn't offer any encouragement or criticisms. She didn't repeatedly explain how to clean something or demonstrate how to wipe down the bathroom floor. She simply checked our work every single day and held us accountable for meeting the standard. She didn’t overcoach me, she simply said do it again and we will evaluate when you’re done.

I loved that I had the autonomy to figure out how to get the job done. She wasn't micromanaging me, but I knew exactly what was expected and that she would be checking. After weeks of repetition and evaluation, I became really good at it.

The simple act of consistently measuring my performance made me want to improve. I think we can apply this exact same principle to teaching resilience in softball. Instead of constantly telling pitchers to be tougher, more confident, or more resilient, what if we gave them specific behaviors to work on and evaluated those behaviors after every game?

How to Actually Teach Resilience: A Practical Process

So what should we do when a pitcher struggles mentally or physically? Maybe she mentally gives up, or negative thoughts prevent her from performing to her potential. Maybe she simply doesn't perform as well as she's capable of, or perhaps she hasn't put in the practice and is now facing the disappointing reality that she wasn't prepared. Whatever the reason, how do we help her learn from the experience and come back stronger?

1. Establish Clear Expectations Before the Game

Before the game, identify specific behaviors you want the pitcher to demonstrate when things get difficult. Make a checklist, review it with her, and have her agree to the expectations. A lot of coaches I talk to are surprisingly vague about what they want from their pitchers. They'll say something like, "I just want her to get the job done."

But what does that actually mean for that coach? What does that coach value? What do you value as a parent, and what does the player value? Does getting the job done mean winning, striking everyone out, throwing down the middle so the team hits it, not walking anyone? Does it mean staying composed, trusting the pitch call, or using a reset routine after a mistake?

If we want pitchers to meet our expectations, we need to be crystal clear in explaining what those expectations are.

2. Evaluate the Behaviors She Can Control

Create a short checklist together, then after the game, go through it together. Instead of solely discussing outcomes like how many batters she walked or how many runs she allowed, evaluate the behaviors she can actually control.

For example, did she use her pre-pitch routine consistently? Did she create a positive mantra for the day and repeat it before every pitch? Did she use her gathering routine after making a mistake?

How did she respond when her coach called a pitch she wasn't confident throwing? Did she commit to it and give it her best effort, or did she shake it off because she was afraid it wouldn't work? Did she trust that her coach had a reason for calling that pitch?

3. Evaluate How She Responded After Something Went Wrong

This is where resilience really gets tested. What happened after she walked a batter, gave up a home run, made an error, or got taken out of the game?

Did she pout, cry, complain to you, or stop cheering for her teammates? Did she say something negative to another player or blame someone else for what happened? Or was she able to work through her disappointment and continue contributing to the team?

I also think it's important to look at how pitchers respond when they're given another opportunity to contribute. If a pitcher struggles on the mound but is moved to another position, does she stay engaged and make a great defensive play? Does she go up to bat ready to make up for her mistakes with a hit, or does she maintain the same negative demeanor in the box?

Resilience isn't just about recovering on the mound. It's about continuing to contribute even when one part of your game isn't going well.

4. Pick ONE Specific Thing to Improve

After reviewing her performance, help the pitcher identify one behavior she can improve the next time she faces adversity. Don't overwhelm her with six different things to fix.

For example, if she walked two batters and completely lost her composure, her goal for the next game might be: "After you walk a batter, step off the rubber, take one deep breath, and commit to attacking the next hitter."

Notice that the goal isn't to strike out the next batter or even get her out. The goal is to control her response, reset mentally, and confidently attack the next hitter. When we focus on something the pitcher can control, we give her a realistic opportunity to experience success even if the outcome isn't perfect.

5. Recreate the Situation in Practice

This is a step I think is missed. Don't just tell a pitcher what to do differently next time. Actually recreate the situation in practice so she can rehearse the response.

If she struggled with runners on base, put runners on base during practice. If she was afraid to throw her curveball in a game, create situations where she has to throw it. If she lost her composure after walking a batter, simulate a walk and have her practice her reset routine.

The goal isn't to eliminate mistakes. The goal is to give her repeated opportunities to experience adversity and practice responding appropriately. Then put her back into a similar situation during a game and have her evaluate her performance again. Pull out the same checklist and evaluate the same behaviors. Maybe she still walked three batters, but instead of mentally quitting, she continued attacking hitters and stayed composed. That's progress!

Building Confidence Along the Way

Confidence doesn't come from simply telling a pitcher she's good. It develops through several sources, including preparation, remembering past performances, positive feedback, and knowing her strengths. When your pitcher is hesitant to get back out there, remind her of the phrase "Pressure is a privilege."

When a coach puts a pitcher into a high-pressure situation, it often means that the coach believes she's capable of handling the challenge. That's something pitchers should recognize and appreciate, even when the situation feels uncomfortable.

After a game, ask your pitcher, "What high-pressure situations did your coach trust you to handle today?" Help her recognize that being challenged can be an opportunity, not a punishment.

Making a plan, getting put in tough situations, observing how she responded to failure, and getting another opportunity to try again, then reevaluating is what builds resilience. 

We're not just developing pitchers for the next game or the next season. We're developing young people who will eventually face difficult situations in high school, college, their careers, and their personal lives.